
===========================================================================
 
 
         Languages NOT included in the Commercial Language SIG
                    or the Languages and Tools SIG
===========================================================================
                                by
			Doug Bohrer
			Bohrer and Company		
			Near Chicago
			and
			Ted A. Bear
			NCA Corporation
			In the heart of Silicon Valley
				and
			A Usually Reliable Source
			Digital Equipment Corporation
			Somewhere in New England

APL,BASIC,  COBOL,  FORTRAN,  PASCAL, RPG... these programming languages are 
well known and (more or less) loved throughout the computer industry.  There 
are  numerous other languages,  however,  that are less well known yet still 
have ardent devotes.   In fact,  these little known languages generally have 
the  most  fanatic admirers.   For those who wish to know more  about  these 
obscure  languages -- and why they are obscure -- we present  the  following 
catalogue.
 
C-
This  language  was  named for the grade received by its  creator  when  he 
submitted  it as a class project in a graduate  programming  class.   C- is 
best  described as a "low level" programming language.    In  general,  the 
language  requires  more  C- statements than machine code  instructions  to 
execute a given task.    n this respect it is very similar to COBOL.

DOGO
Developed  at  MIOT(Massachusetts Institute of  Obedience  Training),  DOGO 
heralds  a new era of computer literate pets.   DOGO commands include  SIT, 
HEEL,  STAY,  PLAY_DEAD  and ROLL_OVER.   An innovative feature of DOGO  is 
"puppy graphics",  a small cocker spaniel that occasionally leaves deposits 
as it travels across the screen.
     
FIFTH
FIFTH  is a precise mathematical language in which the data types refer  to 
quantities.  The data types range from CC, 
,  SHOT and JIGGER to FIFTH (hence the name of the language), LITER, MAGNUM 
and  BLOTTO.   Commands refer to ingredients such as  CHABLIS,  CHARDONNEY, 
CABERNET,  GIN,  VERMOUTH,  VODKA,  SCOTCH,  BOURBON, CANADIAN, COORS, BUD, 
EVERCLEAR and WHAT_EVERS_AROUND.   The many versions of the FIFTH  language 
the sophistication and financial status of its user.  Commands in the ELITE 
dialect include VSOP, LAFITE and WAITERS_RECOMMENDATION. The GUTTER dialect 
commands include THUNDERBIRD,  RIPPLE and HOUSE_RED.  The GUTTER dialect is 
a  particular  favorite of frustrated FOURTH programmers who end  up  using 
this language.

LAIDBACK

This language was developed at the Marin County Center for T'ai Chi, 
Mellowness and Computer Programmers (now defunct),  as an alternate to  the 
more intense atmosphere in nearby Silicone Valley.
 
The center was ideal for programmers who like to soak in the hot tubs while 
they worked.  Unfortunately few programmers could survive because the center 
outlawed Pizza and Coca-Cola in favor of Tofu and Perrier.

Many mourn the demise of LAIDBACK because of its reputation as a gentle and 
non-threatening  language since all error messages are in lower case.   For 
example, LAIDBACK responded to syntax errors with the message:
     "I hate to bother you but, but i can't relate to that. 
     can you find the time to try it again?"

LITHP
This  otherwise remarkable language is distinguished by the absence  of  an 
"S" in its character set.  Programmers must substitute "TH".  LITHP is said 
to  be  useful  prothething  litht.   This language was  developed  in  San 
Francisco.

REAGAN
This language was also developed in California,  but is now widely used  in 
Washington D.C.  It is the current subset of the international bureaucratic 
language  known  as  DOUBLESPEAK.   Commands  include  REVENUE_ENHANCEMENT, 
STOCKMAN, CAP_WEINBERFER, MALCOMB_BALDRIDGE, CABINET, CHOP_WOOD, LAXALT and 
SCENARIO.  WATT and BURFORD have been removed from the commands while there 
is a current effort to add MEASE.

The  operating  system  used  is NEW_RIGHT and  the  designated  memory  is 
THE_RANCH.  The compile SCENARIO is a compile with NANCY followed by a link 
with  BONZO  resulting in a SNOOZE COMMIES (program bugs) are removed  with 
the GRANADA command.

A REAGAN program commences with LANDSLIDE and terminates with SENILITY.

RENE
Named after the famous French philosopher and mathematician Rene DesCaters.  
RENE is a language used for artificial intelligence.  The language is being 
developed at the Chicago Center of Machine Politics  and Programming  under 
a  grant  from  the Jane Byrne Victory Fund.   A  spokesman  described  the 
language as "Just as great as dis(sic) great city of ours."

The  center  is  very pleased with progress to date.   They say  they  have 
almost succeeded in getting a VAX to think.   However,  sources inside  the 
organization  say  that each time the machine fails to think it  ceases  to 
exist.

SATRE
Named  after  the  late  existential philosopher,  SATRE  is  an  extremely 
unstructured language.  Statements in SATRE have no purpose; they just are.  
Thus  SATRE  programs  are  left to  define  their  own  functions.   SATRE 
programmers tend to be boring and depressing and are no fun at parties.

SIMPLE
SIMPLE  is  the acronym Sheer Idiot's  Monopurpose  Programming  Linguistic 
Environment.  This language, developed at Hanover College for Technological 
Misfits,  was  designed to make it impossible to write code with errors  in 
it.   The statements are,  therefore,  confined to BEGIN, END and STOP.  No 
matter how you arrange your statements, you can't make a syntax error.

SLOBOL
SLOBOL  is best known for the speed,  or the lack of it,  of the  compiler.  
Although  many  compilers  allow  you to take a  coffee  break  while  they 
compile,  the  SLOBOL  compile  allows you travel to Columbia to  pick  the 
coffee.  Fourty-three programmers are known to have died at their terminals 
while waiting for a SLOBOL program to compile.

VALGOL
From  its modest beginnings in Southern California's San  Fernando  Valley.  
VALGOL is enjoying a dramatic surge of popularity across the industry.

VALGOL commands include REALLY,  LIKE, WELL and Y*KNOW.  Variables assigned 
with  the  =LIKE  and  =TOTALLY operators.   Other  operators  include  the 
California Booleans.  AX and NOWAY.  Repetitions of code are handled in FOR 
- SURE loops.

Here is a sample program:
     LIKE, Y*KNOW(I MEAN) START
IF PIZZA          =LIKE BITCHEN AND
GUY               =LIKE TUBULAR AND
VALLEY GIRL       =LIKE GRODY**MAX(FERSURE)**2
THEN

    FOR I =LIKE 1 TO OH*MAYBE 100
         DO*WAH - (DITTY**2)
         BARF(I) =TOTALLY GROSS(OUT)
    SURE

    LIKE BAG THIS PROGRAM
    REALLY
    LIKE TOTALLY(Y*KNOW)
    IM*SURE
    GOTO THE MALL


VALGOL  is characterized by its unfriendly error  messages.   For  example, 
when the user makes a syntax error, the interpeter display the message:

       GAG ME WITH A SPOON!!

(This  article  originally appeared in the APL SIG newsletter  THE  SPECIAL 
CHARACTER SET (D. Bohrer, Editor) and has gathered steam ever since.)

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